Filipino Toxic Culture: Parenting

Long before social media existed, parent-child relationship in the Philippines is considered strict and straining. It follows a culture where children are not allowed to talk back to parents in any ways. Physical punishments exist and children have fear of their parents.

Millennials, people born from 1980 to 2000, have the privilege of experiencing both the difficult times bound by strict rules and a freer generation where they can openly express how they feel.

Through social media, the freedom of expression exceeds the necessary usage and even the slightest and most untalked about things are being posted which includes the toxic Filipino parenting.

Filipinos love their parents, but as time goes, questions and realization come popping out from the new generation's minds. Are Filipino parenting practices good or a toxic one?

Here is a list of issues why millennials consider Filipino parenting as a toxic culture:

1. "During our time" lines of parents
Allow me to introduce the famous lines of Filipino parents.

"Noong panahon ko, pinapalo ako ng sanga at pinapaluhod sa asin kapag pasaway ako!" (During our time, I was whipped with a tree branch and knelt on salt as punishment!)

"Noong panahon ko, pinaghihirapan ko ang pambaon ko sa eskwelahan!" (During my time, I work hard so I can go to school!)

I think it's toxic to always compare the life before and now since the way of living and technology has increased massively.

No problems in sharing about the happenings in the past, but using these stories to lecture children would be nothing, but ineffective. People grow, and so is parenting.

2. Letting kids fulfill the Filipino parents' dream.

It's just plain wrong to force your children to do what you failed to do during your youth.

For example, a mom wanted to be a nurse, but she was unable to pursue it because of financial problems before. Now, thinking that her old age is a hindrance to pursue college anymore, she passes this dream to her daughter without considering the kid's talent and dreams.

Not every Filipino parent forces their kids this way, but it exists, especially for people who lives in poverty. Whereas, other stories include a lineage of doctors so they expect you to pursue that, too.

It strains the child, who always wanted the parents' acceptance, to just follow what the parent wishes. Filipino children loves their family to the point that they give up their own dreams and do the "better" choice. Yup, it's a toxic Filipino culture, to not consider what the child really wants.

3. Never listens to the children's suggestions and explanations

Even my mom is guilty of this, and until now, she won't admit it. I once tried to explain to her a better plan for our finances. I know I am entitled to my own suggestions, but she find it really disrespectful to oppose her ideas and methods.

Basically, it is a feeling that a parent doesn't want to be lectured by her child. They would use their age as a reason that they have lived enough to be wiser than you, so you can't tell them what they should do.

They put up the I-am-your-mom/dad scheme so we have no choice, but to shut up and let them be. It's a toxic culture that Filipino parents always think that they have the brightest idea.

4. Hidden comparison between parents

When I was a kid, I thought my mom's pretty cool to not pressure my studies. But, that was because I was getting good grades and do not necessarily need scolding.

During my high school, I lay low from my studies. I remained as an honor student but on a lower class rank. It was horrible not because of my own disappointment, but because my mom's.

She repeats day by day how in the world was *name of classmate* better than me. She pinpoints almost everything I do and thinks it's the reason why I get lower grades.

It honestly broke me to be compared to others, when all my life, I have been studying hard. One mistake and it ruins my reputation in my mom's eyes. She did not even ask me what happened so I have no chance of telling her that I got tired of all the stresses and extra activities my teachers puts on me. I just want to rest. Filipino parenting: children can't talk problems to their parents because they will be scolded.

5. Sickness isn't an exemption for a lecture

If you think Filipino parents would stop their lectures when you're sick, forget it. Moms would lecture you more and blame everything you've done in your life.

They start blaming the last thing you ate, the last place you went, and the last thing you did! They blame the rain, the TV, the phone and even your friends.


I think Filipino parenting is, at some point, a toxic culture. But, there is no doubt that Filipino parents love their children more than anything in the world. If you experience these things now, don't worry because you will get out of it when you can live on your own.

Love your parents because when everything leaves you, you're parents definitely won't.